the last day of summer

do you remember the time

Monday, June 29, 2009

i used to watch him all the time on mtv top 20,

and that was when we were too young and not supposed to be sleeping late.

he was strikingly different, and anyone could tell by the stories he told.

the ensembles, his dramatics and their magnetism.

every one move he crafted to steal us away and into his dimension,

to have all breaths held against all laws of respiration.

he was not just a pair of white socks and a chorus of high pitch.

he was my hero too.

until we started to move on with age and alternatives,

and eventually got distracted by the throes of his demons and toils.

it has been 4 days and i am still finding it hard to believe that michael jackson is gone.

posted by peesofshet # 3:11 AM 0 comments

she

Thursday, June 18, 2009

she leaves you with too many questions,
daily, differently, surprisingly.
she learns something to forget it the next day,
just so you can teach her, over and over again.
but before you get tired of it,
she marks the next quest.

posted by peesofshet # 2:06 AM 0 comments

those better things

Thursday, June 04, 2009

cubes, tiles, self, series and anything else.

my mind ticks in preparation, in a rather sadistic manner.
i am not in anticipation for something,
in fact, nothing works just fine for me,
like how it has been for a while.
making do like i never needed or wanted to,
even though i am not begging,
i do not really seem to have a choice either.

i will watch the thumping ground and not run away in cowardice,
whether it fails to fall into another shamble,
or shatter in numerous cracks.

i no longer yearn to be remembered not to be forgotten,
i just settle with being thought of,
once in a while,
whenever it is convenient.

posted by peesofshet # 5:51 AM 0 comments

today is

Monday, June 01, 2009

i woke up to the most pleasant information on the television,
the day another season marks its occupation of three months.

not one piece of cloud in sight, spring came and left with such haste.
it is, almost weird to be wearing singlet and shorts,
strange to be perspiring, unbelievable to have my windows opened wide.
the sun claims its missing hours and plays past nine everyday,
making the best, while it still has its say.

i have experienced the four seasons of this country, officially.
watching the browning leaves and shedding branches,
layers of white gradually topped everything on the streets,
forgetting that skies were blue and trees were green.
these were the longest months with the shortest days.
then the colors slowly crept back in, to every little corners,
before they fill the whole picture with radiance and life.
people began streaming outdoors and taking off coats,
the smell of heat fills the air, even scooters are out to play.

the last day of summer, i truthfully dread.

posted by peesofshet # 10:12 PM 0 comments

the day that made a difference

Friday, May 22, 2009

He asked for Her hand.
they fought, changed, moved, cried, held,
made love,

and made me.

today is an age when hands don't hold stubbornly together anymore.
i have lost track of faces paired together,
lost count of duets that didn't rhyme to the end.
i am so close to losing sight of the pages i have dog-eared,
losing grip of the strings i have broken,
but cannot bear to loosen.
losing the momentum of coordinating those limbs,
in an activity i term as swimming.

they cannot quit swimming, unless they choose to thread and stay in one spot.
i still insist sitting on dry shores, watching.

posted by peesofshet # 4:13 PM 0 comments

just drive

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

the idea of having none hardly crossed my way.
days when i have the least energy or even just mood, to light that bulb, are these.
this cannot even be termed as a nightmare,
because that usually triggers thoughts, words, something, anything.
from me, my brains, my hands.

i have never seen me as anything close to a potato on a couch,
not a carrot or any plant i fancy eating,
i do not even indulge in the television, much.
i am very spiritually that starch on the furniture. and mentally.

"don't lose grip of the steering wheel.
you got to drive, you need the drive."

i have the map, always in my hands.
it looks as if i am safe, for i will have the names of the places i want to go to,
as long as i look hard enough.

but, i don't seem to know where to go.

posted by peesofshet # 11:37 PM 0 comments

your passion

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

will kill you.

it always is that two ways, either or and nothing in between.
they get you to that same place, just on different routes.
after either getting caught between nasty bushes and thorns,
or being stuck in mud, floods and landslides,
planting you back into ground and the cold hard earth.
the only warmth inside you isnt burning so hot anymore.
that passion you started out with isnt going to last you to the very end,
there just isnt an end anyway, unless you walk yourself to one.

and you wonder, would it be better dotting a full stop, now.
or dotting three to allow all that surrounds you,
mold, crush, move, twist, change, smack, kick, defeat you.

you take a peek behind your shoulders on the steps you have left behind,
knowing you wont walk backwards,
checking you havent dragged an innocent hand with you,
breathing and remembering that nostalgic traces of passion at the starting point.
that point. is so far away from where you are now.
you didnt bring enough to last your broken-toe-walk, did you?

it killed your toe, it will kill you too.

posted by peesofshet # 12:44 AM 0 comments

what a brag

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

i never knew blondes can be fake or maybe blonde has evolved into a new/few categories.
i was wrong to think that some things just do not change,
in fact, everything changes and some change for the worse.

to the set of ribs whom proclaimed to hold the truest of love,
yet destroyed the name of it.
to the pair of hands whom protected and shield her beliefs,
and turned her sore, sour, bitter and bull back,
because her crap and brag overwhelmed her own head.
to the beaten and bruised fighter who did not fight but played a game,
of her own, in her own world, from the end to another imaginary end.
yes you, and do not even bother to turn your head again,
to wonder or suspect i might be talking about another.
nobody deserves the throne more than you do.

your method of love and loyalty tickles my swollen toe.
your theory of selflessness is but a selfish and deceiving brag.
nevermind that you took yourself uninvited across oceans and miles,
to blackmail, to threaten, to hurt and yes inflict pain,
to the one you proudly claimed to love.
nevermind that love to your definition is not just obsession, but possession.
nevermind that your ears are selective to hearing,
and tongue is twisted with facts.
nevermind that you insulted my friends and flipped in a second,
with your sorry puppy eyes and a cheap "sorry".
nevermind that you even think i am as sorry and silly as you are.
nevermind that you still think that you have been so tortured,
ruined and what not, because i can certainly forgive the substances
blocking your sanity channels, dodging reality from you.

seriously, nevermind that you must and will use revenge and deceit
to continue to hurt the person you so unconditionally love and worship.
nevermind that i used to think better of your integrity.
nevermind that you probably will never own up to your own brag.
i just sincerely hope you go to sleep each night,
admiting to your own reflection in the mirror that you cannot even recognise.

i wonder how a few coins in your pocket lasted you the way home,
how you didnt freeze to zero like how you claimed you might,
how you got your notebook smashed but not taken,
oh yes yes, and how you bribed the customs of our neighbours with pathetic dollars.
you are our national hero. or zero, whichever you rhyme.
you are the king, you decide.

just, spare my little life, please.
i am only trying to live my life, so very far from yours.
i cannot help but hear and be disturbed by you and how you made yourself clear,
that you will go near the people close to my heart.
leave my friends alone if you have a heart.
didnt you use to call them sluts?

just, spare the one you have loved with all of your heart, head, money and drugs.
she is only trying to get on with life and over the nightmare of you.
her mistake that she cannot help but have a soft spot for you,
her crime that she believed your friendship not once but thrice,
and you returned with betrayal, pain and drama episodes.
the reason why you couldnt let her go is not rocket science.
you just simply didnt love her enough.

just, spare the dog you claimed to own.
and watch your baseless words and groundless statements,
because all these might just slap yourself back in your face.
for you can tell your tall tales to the ones who do not know 2 shits,
but we all know you were in fact the one who wanted to hurt the dog,
and you know, that we know.
nice try in turning that table that is nailed dead to the floor.
dont make me, spill your rotten beans,
dont make me, recite the dairies of your drunken nights.
dont try to make me, lose all respects for you, because i already have.

dont.

posted by peesofshet # 3:19 AM 5 comments

twentysecond april

Friday, April 24, 2009

i thought my eyes were making a fool of me,
if it wasn't the skies playing tricks with my eyes.

there are some things you won't see caved in the seat behind machines,
there are some stars you won't catch at nights,
there are some drifts you won't get if you can only contain yourself.

wednesday used to be my favorite day of the week, when i was 19.
mine this week started out with an enormous sight,
i smiled along my walk to work, a good 20 minutes if not more.
i thought, how bad can anything get? how low can anyone fall?
the world is beautiful, if you remember to look beyond your pathetic self,
beyond things that don't go your way, because it isn't the only way.

i took many things upon my shoulders,
and took it back out on them when they wore thin.
i tried to pull things together, shaped them in proportion,
held a handful slightly bigger than my own.
i thought i could manage with strong faith,
but maybe i just needed bigger hands, or those without gaps between fingers.
i can't secure many things within my embrace, let alone beyond.
i can't rescue things that get consumed by themselves.

wednesday skipped along with me for half a day.
wednesday tripped over and turned its back on me.

posted by peesofshet # 5:36 PM 0 comments

breaking a toe

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

i started running again with my swollen toe.
breathing, panting, pacing, and sometimes chanting.
watching the clouds and skies, imagining them watching out for me.
passing the fields and the trees, from green, to white and then yellow.
racing with and against the winds, biting my teeth, always.

i was running for something at the other end.
with faith that i can never be too late, however long i may take.
driven by happy endings, and the glorious finishing line.
i kept both my fists clenching firmly to sheer hope,
on better days, forgetting the throb on my foot,
on nastier ones, as of late, just ignoring the growing ache.

have the swell on my foot gone up to my head,
have i taken me a little too far and off from reality,
and became carried away by my graphical start?
i cannot seem to feel being felt anymore,
i dont hear myself being heard anymore,
i cannot muster the courage to turn my head around,
to measure the spaces i have created, with the distance i have made.

where have i brought myself,
when have i stopped counting metres for miles,
what have i broken besides a toe?
how have i ended up with a bottle of questions,
and misplacing all the answers?

posted by peesofshet # 9:19 PM 0 comments

dearest kew,

Friday, April 17, 2009

this is just where you are, it is called in between.
the only thing is, neither of us know, of what.
you are prancing forward and back, but getting neither here nor there.
you spent the last 3 hours on this page,
typing, deleting, constructing, drifting.

having so much intended words but ending up with none to write.
i am puzzled by/as you.

posted by peesofshet # 9:50 PM 0 comments

and the picture does not even do you justice

Thursday, April 02, 2009

you were the only one who stayed,
no matter the distance i've strayed.
but i gave you away instead,
because i thought you could not wait.

yet i was the one, who didnt consider the wait.

posted by peesofshet # 4:14 AM 0 comments

my way

Tuesday, March 31, 2009