the last day of summer

lift

Wednesday, February 03, 2010

lucky for us,
you still have words to type, on a canvas i can read.
and i feel each letter from punctuation to number,
without an indication which indicates a lot, and too well.

lucky for you,
that i remember by hard, the words that have been spoken,
way before anything had happened.
and did you think i was too drunk,
or delirious. too swallowed or maybe wrapped up.

lucky for me,
my eyes seek for lights in this pitch.
i hear things that do not entirely find their ways to mine.
i threw your hands away, and you simply had them hidden by your hips.
just so today comes again,
that i can still have an idea of how a grip looks like.

posted by peenutkew # 22:56 0 comments

sobreviviente

Sunday, January 31, 2010

love is an incredible thing.
it makes us do wonderful things,
and then it blinds us from the pain we do to others
when we start to center ourselves with "self".
i am guilty.

love is so enormous yet it is too weak to live on its own.
and constantly we take it for granted till we start kicking our heads
when our grants are up.
too many people will agree yet do nothing about.
i keep slapping myself for tripping over a stone,
knowing too well another will come my way not too far away.
until the fall cripples me finally,
too late but just in time to learn.
and i mean learn.

my arms are never very strong,
but they are going to remain stretched,
this time in the right way.

posted by peenutkew # 08:07 0 comments

around i, the vows

Sunday, January 24, 2010

for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer,
in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish;
from this day forward until death do us part.

posted by peenutkew # 23:02 0 comments

all the words i can find

Friday, January 15, 2010

posted by peenutkew # 09:17 0 comments

Friday, January 08, 2010

i have plenty of ink.

posted by peenutkew # 09:25 0 comments

eighteen months later

Wednesday, January 06, 2010

what happened to her white rims and seat.
why did you make her shoulder an ugly black haversack.

posted by peenutkew # 08:49 0 comments

Saturday, December 26, 2009

home, brings about all kinds of emotions, and i have been trying extremely hard,
to keep up with her surprises on a daily basis.

tampines feels a load lesser like home than it used to, to me at least.
marine parade feels as sexy as ever, since sixteen years ago.
orchard has gotten quite scary. i dont know how to keep up with her.
i am still trying to feel for pasir ris. but at least i know her arms have always been opened.

there are a few places i realise i will probably never go to again,
a few others i know that i have clearly been banned from.
i am not as angry anymore, not for long at least.
i am not as prideful anymore, partially because i havent a lot left.
i am not less optimistic, because i have seen a lot worse.
i am not without fear, just that i have learnt to live with it.
i am not hopeless, i still have a happy handful of those.

the year is ending, and i am still holding on to my imaginary baton,
looking for someone to pass it onto.

"its not a relay, keep going!"

posted by peenutkew # 17:20 0 comments

Saturday, December 19, 2009

i walked me to a corner,
cupping both ears with my palms,
pretending not to know, not to remember, not to hear.
refraining from saying, screaming, raging.
but i cannot not feel.

what do they want from us?
why does she spit in our path?
how do i go on from here?
where can i run, to you?

my hand is still with you, even though it is good as empty.

i have been waiting for you to get off the middle,

so i can leave this corner.

posted by peenutkew # 13:43 0 comments

with me

Thursday, December 17, 2009

come out and play.

posted by peenutkew # 16:24 0 comments

craze

Wednesday, December 09, 2009

it is extremely idiotic to wake up in the morning
remembering the repulsive things i said the night before,
and wishing i had chosen different words.

this has kept my hands from literally pulling your hair out from your head
and my heart still in your hands.

crazy, to be fighting about the same things for the last three years.
and crazy enough, to be passionate about the same thing for the last three years.

posted by peenutkew # 07:46 0 comments

tuesdays with morrie

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

i watched this film a few years ago,
got stuck to it and subtly announced how much i liked,
or appreciated its meaning but never got around to practise it.
today i chanced upon its title,
and remembere what the story tells anyone who watches it.

would i have lived my life differently?
no, because there was no way i would have known how i could have,
better lived it.
not that i am having the most fantastic time of mine,
but simply because out of its worst,
i have done, in my best capacity to let my worst/best be known.
and i have dove hard and far as i could, though not should.
i have wanted and let my wants be known,
loved, though not particularly correctly, but with my hardest.

wanting and on top of loving.
because i know i cannot say the word love correctly,
i cant only feel it.
because i can only want and show/tell/demand how much i do.
i want. it is a desire.
love is such a noble feeling that i can only feel,
but not correctly execute.

posted by peenutkew # 22:43 0 comments

ten

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

and then more to come, in patterns of alteration.

everyone should give ris low a break.
i dont know very much about the saga but i know everyone deserves a second
(or even third) chance especially if they have shown that they have been trying
to be better. and as for the spoken language,
stop blaming us who speak lousy english
because we have been taught bad english.

the rain is a warmer day and the sun is a colder one.
i cant decide which i prefer because neither is pleasurable at all.

i cant stand myself for not being able to decide,
but i cant stand people who make decisions but walk all over them after that, even more.

i didnt realise that i have no more weekends left, here,
in this apartment that i sit right now.
i didnt think i will be so comfortable in this shell that i have been hiding in,
for a good few months that i loathed this place and
what it has piled upon my shoulders and then back.
i honestly believe that i might actually miss it, one day.
and one day is ten nights away.

more than a decade ago, i used to run quite fast. i can still run,
reasonably fast these days, just short of the distance and stamina.
but i know that howover slow i do, you wont stroll over to catch up, with me.

i thought that i have been safely lifted off a distane pretty far away
from the sphere of advertising and to be more precised,
the sentimental part of brain storming, spontaneous ideas,
w.i.p (work in progress) sessions, draft and re-drafts, triple re-amendments,
client versus creativity, passion versus demand and ulitmately me versus that other me.
but it has been haunting me, and i disgustingly miss it.

today, i told someone - please, stop saying. just do it.

posted by peenutkew # 21:34 0 comments

down two

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

i just want to feel that way,
with thirty four to go.
not this much, but just that bit, more.
not always, but just for that time being.

posted by peenutkew # 13:37 0 comments